Warp Zoned Presents
Most Recent: Opinions
Bethesda’s Decision to Keep the Doom 4 Demo Under Wraps is a Stroke of Genius
Hi. My name is John and I’m a Doom fanboy. It all started back in 1995 when my cousins gave me a copy of the game’s shareware edition. A year later, I bought a blazing fast IBM Aptiva with a Pentium processor (133 MHz!), a massive hard drive (2 GB!), and Windows 95 pre-installed. With a little leftover money, I purchased The Ultimate Doom on compact disc. After playing around with the first episode for over a year, the full game just absolutely blew me away. It may have been one of the earliest first person shooters around, but I’d never seen anything like it, before or since. It is what made me a lifelong fan of the franchise. (more…)
Ignorance Is Strength: Gaming’s Permanent War With Nazis, Terrorists, and PMCs
In the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell introduced us to a profusion of concepts that are especially relavant in today’s culture. Terms like Big Brother, thoughtcrime, doublethink, and Room 101 have all spread through modern society, but there is one line that resonates strongly in the world of video games: “War is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength.”
In the novel, it’s a prime example of doublethink, where people can simultaneously agree with two contradicting points of view. While doublethink is all over video game punditry in a thousand different forms, it’s this last part that I feel needs to be focused on. “Ignorance is strength” is the idea that the masses can live in blissful and perpetual incomprehension of the truth, and somehow gain a sense of power from this. (more…)
Here’s Why Nintendo Should Get Into the Movie Business
Nintendo is doomed! Doooooooommmmmmmed!
What? No. This is not going to be that kind of editorial. Per their latest financial report, Nintendo is sitting on a warchest of $10,997,600,854. Even though the company posted a major operating loss in their most recent financial quarter, they could still keep the lights on for 24 years just by dipping into their piggy bank. And while they might be conservative, they’re not as conservative as people like to think. Nintendo’s video game business was just an offshoot of their attempt to manufacture toys in the late 70s, which came after they tried operating a taxi service and running a hotel. (more…)
Thumbs-On Impressions: GelTabz Performance Thumb Gripz
While a fantastic piece of hardware, the DualShock 4 is not without its issues, the most pressing of which is the quality of the analog sticks. Many gamers have reported cases of the rubber peeling off the sticks. Sony even issued a statement that they are looking into the problem and offered to replace any damaged controllers as they are covered under the warranty. I have not experienced this problem with my DualShock 4, but I have had a different issue: the sticks are slippery as hell.
Sure, it could be my thumbs, but I don’t remember perspiring this much during a gaming session, let alone having overactive sweat glands on my fingers. The issue really comes into play when I’ve got the analog stick pressed for an extended period of time, like during the flying race levels in Lego Marvel Heroes or certain challenges in Rayman Legends. Or pretty much the entirety of Resogun. I’ve found myself losing a life or throwing myself off-course due to having to reposition my left thumb, which can be the difference between life and death, or getting a silver medal instead of a gold. (more…)
Wii U: The Little Engine That Could (and Should)
Ever since the launch of the PS4 and Xbox One, game journalists have pushed out editorial after editorial asking, “What can be done about the Wii U?” Brenna Hillier of VG247 says “Nintendo needs to reach beyond its catalogue to save [the] Wii U.” VideoGamer asked, “Is this the end for the Wii U?” And Gamenesia ran with a fanboy-baiting title pointing to the fact that the Wii U was outsold by the Vita in Japan, despite the release of a new Mario game. Yet looking at the sales figures in the same article, we can see that the margin the Vita outsold it by was a massive 42 units. Not only that, but the article fails to mention that the 3DS XL sold more than the Vita, the Wii U, and the original 3DS combined. The most ridiculous figure in that list is that the Xbox 360 sold 342 units in one week. The original Wii beat that with 457 sales.
But I digress. Hillier’s article is filled with vast generalisations quoting “the Twitterati.” Worse, she stuffs words in Nintendo’s mouth by using inverted commas as if the company has somehow uttered them, or, at the very least, thought them (“We’re Nintendo, and we do what Nintendo does.”).
Reading this article made me angry for a number of reasons. One, she is absolutely right – yet she has written this piece with a pessimistic crudeness – “Nintendo knows it bollocksed the Wii U marketing” – that also reeks of a self-aggrandising attitude toward the product itself. “It’s no longer fashionable to believe in the Wii U,” smirks the subheader.
And that made me even angrier, because this is where she is dead wrong. Why? Because it’s never been fashionable to believe in the Wii U. Ever since it was released, it has been a target for fanboy journalistic hooligans who would take shots at the console like Melissa Bachman would a sleeping lion. (more…)
Next Gen Marketing Malarkey: 5 Buzzwords I’m Already Bored Of
While the launch of two new consoles is an exciting event, this one has been slightly marred by marketing departments using inane buzzwords to hype up frantic fans until there is nothing left but over-expectations and broken hearts. It has become a bombastic practice that often leaves companies in a bigger hole than where they started, as fans and critics peel away the poor PR paint job to uncover a myriad of lies and deceit. Here are a few words to cry BS at. (more…)
6 Reasons I’m Not Looking Forward to Batman: Arkham Origins
Warner Bros. Games Montreal’s Batman: Arkham Origins hits stores next week, and despite wave after wave of screenshots and info on the villains of the project, it has not managed to raise my excitement above lukewarm. I’m a self-confessed Batman fan and I adored the previous two entries (Arkham Asylum and Arkham City, despite the latter’s Day One DLC debacle), yet the prospect of purchasing the third entry has left me feeling numb
“But this is The Batman!” I hear my inner geek scream.
“So was Joel Schumacher’s Batman & Robin,” replies the pessimistic part of my brain.
In an attempt to reconcile these loyal feelings of fandom with my lackluster enthusiasm for the game, I decided to dissect exactly why Origins is not pushing my buttons. (more…)
Why I’m Boycotting SimplyGames
CVG recently reported that UK-based online retailer SimplyGames has been accused of blatantly profiteering from gamers who have pre-ordered Sony’s PlayStation 4 by upping the price from £350 ($558) to £415 ($662). Those who do not pay this £65 ($103) upgrade ransom have been told they will lose their pre-order, although PixelEnemy has noted that those with orders of two or more units are guaranteed to receive a system on launch day. (more…)